i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
