I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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