Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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