R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
