He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would fuck him just for his dog
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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