Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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