Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
