I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
