allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
