i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
P.S. I can't hear my feet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
