Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
