A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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