just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
NoShamevember. You game?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
