if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
