dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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