dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize