nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
