and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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