theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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