My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Fuck appropriateness.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize