mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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