I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
