drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
