Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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