I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
