Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
