we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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