It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
