He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
