If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
