Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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