hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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