Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
