No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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