Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
