I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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