wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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