All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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