The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
