I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
