i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
