..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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