Hey man sorry I got all grabby
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
