she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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