Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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