Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
