upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
