Yo dont text me then not text me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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