evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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