Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
