i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
