just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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